I would like to preface this piece by saying I am not a professional writer, I don’t care about structure and grammar. I’m also in a very altered state.
I have a lot of trauma from this lifetime, and my past life. I discovered that I was one of the scientists responsible for creating the technology that destroyed Atlantis. Sound crazy? Leave your connection to logic, facts, science, and empirical data behind. I have had depression since I can remember. I developed an anxious-avoidant attachment style as a child because of the neglect I experienced from my family.
Last September, I completely totaled two vehicles. I had just turned 17 and recently got my license. It’s now April of 2019, and I have just now been able to process the trauma those two incidents caused me. I am a very clean, organized, motivated person. For the last couple months, I began failing all of my classes, my room was in a constant state of chaos, and I would stay up all night and sleep until ridiculously late hours. My brain was unable to comprehend any other way of living.
I realized now, before I began writing this, that none of that matters. When you are truly connected to your inner being, and you fully trust in your inner guidance, you have access to parts of the universe depression and trauma told you that you were unworthy of. All of my life, I have struggled with feeling competent, feeling loved, being able to trust myself and others. I constantly felt if I had asked for help, admitted I have a problem, I would be crucified. I felt as if I deserved to carry all of the burdens in the world and for some reason I just did not deserve to feel happy or loved.
I am made up of the greatest force in the cosmos. You are too. When we realize this, we can forgive our traumas. Whatever abuse we experienced as a child can be forgiven and let go completely. When “bad things” happen to us, they are merely lessons. Imagine life in a padded white room, all of the food and entertainment and sex you could ever want. Would you know happiness without knowing despair? Everything in life is absolutely temporary.
From sea foam you were born and you will die as sea foam. Your ego, physical body, and trauma are cosmically unimportant. When you recognize that it is not those things that you are made of, rather your immortal soul, your heart, and your inner being, you can set yourself free.
Emirosa Verticordia 